A SPICY ROUTE AHEAD.....



03rd Sep 2014 :- With last 7 days of constant Air Travel where it started with Bangkok Airways on a Monday, Thai Airways on a Tuesday, Air India on a Wednesday, Jet Airways on a Thursday, Indigo on a Friday, Go Airways on a Saturday and now the most Spicy Spicejet on again a wednesday morning.....it has become now a second skin for me to be plonked in a particular 3D in either a LCC or a Full service....and yet let your imagination cross path of reality.


Spicejet for nearly 7years has been an airline very close to my heart, can't say why...maybe because after we sold Air sahara to Jet Airways , they were the guys who flew the Boeing 737-800/900s, which were very dear to me ( no offence to AB 320's) , the entire easy approach, closer to home in Gurgaon or purely that in times of some money, Spicejets volatile share prices helped me get the additional funds to pay House rentals or children school fees, when I tanked as an Airline CEO. I can't say... but i loved their spicy spirit of Change a CEO every year, change the focus every quarter and still be there as a competition to Big boys and make the Maximum noise....may it be " Balaam Pitchkari" during Holi, or Mr.Maran or Mr.Wilbur Ross or friends and Contemporaries like Sanjay Agarwal, Neil Mills or sheer prices, I someway loved it ( and still love it than other LCCs). As a record in last 7 years Spicejet for me, has misplaced ( and then got me back also ) my Luggage at least 18 times in all sectors, cancelled for me 11 flights, left me stranded for one and two days 4 times, Made be their Chief negotiator in Kolkata during a Passenger siege due to Non functioning AC, jostled me around several times and their crew religiously cracked my Left knee ( more than 40times ) with Food carts, dropped Hot Breakfast on me some 8-9 times and missed my meals or not paid back Changes several times....but still Im in love with the Airline.

Second best would be Thai Airways, Go Air, Virgin Atlantic, Lufthansa, Jet Airways and lastly indigo ( and definitely in that pattern). i know most of you won't agree......cant help it, its a CONFESSION of a MAN who is in AIR 200 days a Year doing more than 200 flights.....and if today all Airlines had a Combined Frequent Flier program....surely George Clooney in UP IN THE AIR would have paled with my "FREQUENT FLIER MILES". My apologies for my all time three Best Airlines- MDLR ,which I run as CEO, Air Sahara which made me what I am and Kingfisher.....oh what an Airline it was...amazingly way above, pompous, splendour and class of its own. When it was alive ( like always we do ), I had to compete and criticise them and now after the religious Obituary praising it...well thats how it goes I suppose


Its been intriguing the new thing the Airline ( SpiceJet) does with all their antics ( reminds me of myself living on the edge running MDLR when we flew), and the brouhaha it generates, pure fun, simple yet all the Attention seeker. Today was no better, what was I expecting anyways ???? A travel from New Delhi to Chennai ( the thought of being in Chennai turns me down so much ) and on my so called Fond airline SPICEJET made me ecstatic, though Business trips generally spells less of surprises. Being an Airliner, you tend to become critical the moment you enter an Airport and the mess at Check in, the chaotic way an Airline Operations staff operates makes you wonder, what was your own staff doing when you ran the Airline ? Eventless boarding process and my Favorite 3D .....being completely without surprise kept me on tenterhooks. After seeing the series of Ads ......"with all our heart" and pictures of Crew on Aircraft Livery, i was expecting the same...the same livery concept of Norwaygein Airlines or DELTA, but was surprised as it was the same, good old B737-800/900s, in old Livery. Quite a dampener after seeing such Massive campaigns all across India and abroad, wondering with still so much bleeding why the Marketing Campaign...why not be low key like a Go Air or Air Asia India or even the Mighty INDIGO ? Well Im sure the top of line Management team at SPICEJET should have done their Maths correctly.

The surprise factor ended the moment I entered the Aircraft and I was sure I'm in home turf. SPICEMAX, as they call the first row are now upgraded to exactly same seats, where Large bodied Male and even larger ladies would find very crummy to Butt-in......and then you have the enormous Leg room. With a 6'1" frame....and stretching my legs to brim, I can't even touch the Bulkhead. Wow. Surprisingly people who travel in Business class or front of Aircrafts ( somehow feel we might reach earlier than other lesser mortals sitting at back ) , nowadays are all Large framed XL, XXL,3XL and even 4XLs, except Movie stars etc ( and they don't Travel LCCs at all, i wonder where they Travel - Jet Airways & Air India, or maybe waiting for Vistara to start), and yet the seat Pitch ( i mean breadth ). It's just to fit you in like a sitting in a cup feeling. The MAX has the Overhead Bins , which are the smallest in the Aircraft at Spicejet, Im sure everyone believes anyone in MAX would have the Large body, larger wallet, Larger capacity to pay and still would only have very small Piddly baggage and definitely slimmest bums....what a SPICY afterthought !!.

Reaching the 3D after struggling with all Pax who are to get at Back-rows, some First and maybe last time fliers ensuring their Baggage stowed in an absolutely perpendicular to their Seats in angles of height, Marriage party team members just jostling around and complaining who sits , next to whom....lest the miss out the best part of their life in this 2.5hours of Flying....reaching the far away seat of 3D took me some minutes and yes I was happy to see other seats 3E & 3F were vacant. Was amazed to see how clean the Aircraft was, smelt fresh, looked absolutely new, new Headrest covers....all with our heart , smiling crew....its so unrealistically SPICEJET. And then came the familiarity and i felt so much home. The Floor had mix of many spices scattered......im sure from last flight and Cleaning staff kept a SPICY impact on floor to give the ease, the Cabin crew ....fair, pretty and petite....with most Dangeoursly dangerous SPICE-BREADTH level ( I'm sure there were no alcho-meters for Bad Breadth on Board ) and BODY ODOUR made me tizzy for some moments.....what a SPICY WELCOME?


My co-passengers came near door close, an elderly ( he was around 55, and at my 42 years admonished me being an Youngsters of today......I was flabbergasted as I don't even fall in 65% of India who Are within 22-35 years) Tamil gentleman, extremely fair and with a Look at me as an Imbecile sat next to me. He quipped, i must sit in middle and then himself decided I wasn't safe for a Twenty something lady....with abnormally heavy Make up at 0730hrs in the Morning, leather Skirts and FUR-Jacket ( who wears FUR for going to chennai ) and having an Original FURLA Handbag ( made in Dharavi)...who sat at 3F next to window. The lady in her clipped english announced....OH THIS IS SO LOW-CAST ( she meant Low cost) ......I SHOULD HAVE TRABELLED WITH MY FRAANDS in JET. Its not a spelling mistake or Typo...its farm-fresh English from HARYANA. The Lady sat, sulked and forgot everyone existed, with her gaze fixed on Smart Phone with a picture of Justin Beiber showing a calvin Klien Underwear, and only made some low pitched comments......IM SQUEEZEED BETWEEN TWO BUDDHAS ( thats oldies for you ).....to which my Elderly co-seat owner angrily said something in Tamil, which was way above me.

Door close was before time, horror time was before time anyways. How often do we hear the Safety announcements and remember them verbatim ? Maybe none, but todays announcements I refuse to forget. Indigo as a policy announces how many language their crew speaks....SPICYGIRLS announced they only speak ENGLEESH.....i suppose they meant HINGLISH, TAMLISH, HARYAN-LISH, BANG-LISH AND KANNAD-LISH new Derivates, as we know and learn everyday. There was also a quick fight with a 70plus lady who refused to part with her MoneyPlant in a Plastic bottle, and strictly claimed..."MAARO BACCHA...MAARO PAUDHA" ( my Baby my sapling ). Well luckily we were in domestic space, otherwise Plant quarantine would have quarantined the Lady itself, for a Brown and Dark yellow coloured Money Plant, wilted and dead...nowhere it had any shades of green and she refused to part or keep in Overhead Bins , as her Guruji had gifted her. GURUJI's rules these days in india....


The announcement informed that our SPICY COMMANDER is Capt.Sabyasachi Chatterjee, our SPICY Crew are....Revathi, Gurleen,etc and we will fly our SPICY AIRCRAFT in SPICY ROUTE to Chennai and in case of SPICY EVACUATION......and I was jolted from a little slumber......so here are we back in A SPICY ROUTE AHEAD. If Sanjeev is reading this sometimes, any times...these are Verbatim. But the Best was yet to come......they have started to take a quantum leap on the theme.."with all our heart". Suddenly the young Cabin crew used both Hands to cup her Left breast and make a Heart sign. Well we in Sahara India Pariwar for decades had lightly touched our Left chest with right hand and said ' GOOD SAHARA" and then 'SAHARA PRANAM" to each other as greetings....but this is absolutely another Level of TAKING YOUR THEME TO EXTREMES. Very awkward , very heart touching about it, I must saying for young Crew members.


The Cockpit crew with Capt.Chaterjee.....thorough bred Quintessential Bengali babu, with Upper Briton accenuated English, and his description of flight path,etc and you could get little confused as to are you in a British Airways or SPICEJET or are you flying from LHR to AMS or DEL-MAA. Bengali Bhadralok and their love for English literature and Imagination beats all fancy, as he described the Aircraft as a Flying Cigar. Last time I knew someone calling Boeing 737 as a Flying cigar was my dear dear friend and one of the most Amazing commanders we had in Air Sahara. But Brilliant take off by CHATTERJEE-DA and then I dozed off.


Another 30mins down the Line and word - "RASCALA" woke me up,,,,,it was my 3E friend asking me to move...stating YOU YOUNGSTERS are ALWAYS TIRED and sleeping. My friends ( Non Indians-will find many word in Blogs incomprehensible.....for them Google and WIKIPEDIA is there...please check all the words, you would remember them all through your life). Nonetheless, the Great Indian North South Divide was apparent, where the fellow Passenger told me and advised how can a SOUTHINDIAN company have an airline in NORTH INDIA, thats the reason its in Losses. He rang seven time the Crew calling bell and finally called the Crew....'AMMA" i didnt understand much, nor did the Punjabi crew.....as the Gentleman persisted that he might be served his SAAPAR. The hell broke loose when I was served the Breakfast ( i paid for it along with seat Fee well in advance ).......and he was not. He refused to accept....and got very antsy....that none told him during check-in and the Airline was racially Biased...to serve Breakfast to a North indian and ask money from Him. He confirmed and told he will complain to Chief Minister, Prime Minister, President of India and his Local Member of Legislative assembly in that fashion and ensure license be damned . He clearly labelled my favourite airline as cheat....as till last time he flew Breakfast was free and Im sure so was "SAAPAR". Finally he agreed for to pay for Two breakfast and ensured the crew brings it.


All of you who had the Exclusive Privilege of flying in a Middle seat would know how great a feeling is it to sit safely between two people one Young Half-dead-to-world Fashionista of 20's and Large framed 42 year, Bald, Morbidly obese Man...trying desperate to still be an Airliner and maintain a status quo.....and manage in that 2feet x 2feet Armspace with two Breakfast having Hot Sambhars, and Upma. The gentleman gave the lady and me a very Hot look and then started mixing UPMA ( Semolina cooked with Spices)and Sambhars with hand and toss in his mouth with an Amazingly obnoxious Slurry sound and then lick methodically his Thumb and Fingers and do it again. I could see from look in Crew face, they were contemplating to complaint to their SPICY COMMANDER, what to do with such a SPICY PAX and I could feel the NORTH-SOUTH Divide become larger and larger....but by then we were already 37,000 ft over Central India ( over Bhopal )....and losing Ground of Rationality.....the Gentleman finished his SAAPAR in 25mins, asked for Coffee, which he had in same pattern ( No he didnt mix the coffee with hand) and then abruptly stood up and said....MOVE MOVE, YOU YOUNGSTERS WITHOUT ANY RESPECT SIT IN AISLE and went OUT ahead. The SPICY Experience kept be stoned,as to what made a 55 year old man make so angry about a nearly equally Old man......the SPICY EFFECT was all about it.


On a long 2hrs 40mins flight have you ever observed how long a queue could be for Washroom entries......and if you have nothing to do.....I would recommend observing humans in Flights and airports would make you start Loving Mankind more and more. How often does a person trick the fellow passenger to jump a queue,how an old Man...tricks youngster to enter first, how a Nouveau-riche man throws tantrum to even get into a Loo inside an aircraft is a Case study itself and the SPICY Crew with their HINGLISH, juggling water, Food Carts, their Continous need for make-up in around 37,000ft.....would be better than a 3hrs Movie anyway....exquisite, amazing, ever changing and exciting....People feel cold suddenly and if temperature is increased half the Aircraft feels hot, every 15mins...you need water and LCC's don't serve water....and if you have a Marwari Marriage group on Board ( like today ) .....you would see PASSING-THE KHAKRA game with Pickles non-stop with one leader or even a Makeshift chef going up and down Mid air from the Group serving Sweets, paratha's , Khakras and all the goodies and amazing Cabin crew like co-ordination whom to give, which pax to miss.



It was home, all the smell of spices , Masalas, Coffee, Craziness, SPICY Routes...SPICY Flights and SPICY TRAVEL. I wish Sanjeev Kapoor and his Braveheart team of All the Hearted members best wishes for really SPICIER ROUTES that lie in front of them and they will continue to excel in this, as long as their SPICY CREW, SPICY AIRCRAFTS, SPICY DISPLAY OF HEART, SPICY SEATS, SPICY FOOD, SPICY FARES AND ABOVE ALL SPICY PASSENGERS throng the SPICJET giving them that Extra SPICY EDGE......